Inside my own head is one of the most frightening places for me. I do everything to run away from it. I’ve dealt with severe anxiety since I was at least 10 years old. Everything from OCD to panic disorder to generalised anxiety. I can manage it better now, but still I can still have a panic attack by merely taking a shower occasionally.
Continue readingAuthor: madeline
The Endless Dream: on Addiction and My Mental Health
I would not call myself a happy or joyful person…I’m cynical, eternally depressed, and generally unhappy. Visually impaired, somewhere on the autism spectrum, transgender, and somewhere between bipolar II and similar mental health problems. Not a good mix for producing someone that can manage to avoid addiction. Doesn’t help that it runs in the family to some extent, either.
Continue readingMusic: What It Means to Me
Music has been a part of my life one way or another for most of it, from playing to making to listening.
When I was young, my grandparents were trying to find hobbies and stuff for me to do. I am low-vision, asthmatic, and somewhat frail in other manners so sports and outdoor activities were generally out. They started introducing me to indoor youth gymnastics but my grandparents ended up pulling me out of that as the instructor wasn’t accommodating my vision issues (I don’t feel this was the case, but I was rather young so just deferred to my family). At least the little pies at a small shop across the street were good, so that wasn’t all bad.
Continue readingOnline Communities are Ephemeral
Online communities spawn, grow, and die. Why? How? What can be done? Here’s my story of my time online.
Quoting a friend from years past: IRC channel death is similar to the slow process of erosion. Conversation has ceased, yet it may be years before the channel is empty. I think about that frequently.
After the Paradises, or How I Live in the Past
I collect vintage computers and phone systems. Why? They frequently require repair, obscure knowledge, or dwindling parts supplies. Let me tell you how and why.
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